deadnerve | (no subject)

i wouldn't really care bc fine, vote me out or whatever but now ren and cellar are in there telling people to stfu and they're trying really hard to defend me

you too

Of course we are. We care for you very much.

And there is no evidence. No motive.

I do dearly wish everyone would stop reducing this to who is fucking whom.

[ghrrhghh, feelings]

that or just making excuses why one person's murderous habits are totally different than someone else's

That as well.

You're a good boy, Devon.

yeah i don't think many people'd agree with you right now

it's 50:50 between i'm a stupid lightweight twink puny bitch and somehow a criminal mastermind evil wolf sucking saber's dick or smthn

You've better taste than that.

Don't pay attention to Hawkins. He has no sense of when to stop.

this game sucks
whoever organized it sucks too

On this we agree.

But I am here for you, Devon.

thank you, harry

can i come lay on your bed or desk or work gurney

I'll come to you. I've work to do before this is all over, but I can spare some time.

okay
i'm in my room, but nobody's here rn
so just me

[Harry is there as soon as he's able. He's juggling texts and responsibilities and his own thoughts, but he comes.]

Devon?

Hey.

[Off by a window, he steps into sight - less energetic than normal, chewing on his thumbnail.]

[Harry steps close quickly and pulls Devon into a fierce hug.]

[He crumples into it, easy, arms down for a long beat before they slowly rise up to wrap back around Harry.]

I'm so tired already.

I know, my dear. I know.

[He rubs his back in soothing circles.]

But you must endure.

Everyone's going way too hard on this shit.

[And it sucks when you're LOSING at trying the same thing.]

I agree. And there are factors at play that we do not yet understand.

[He hugs him closer somehow.]

I am doing all I know how to ensure your safety.

I wish I wasn't a liability.

[People protect him. People get hurt. And what can he do about it? Besides soften up a little, leaning into the embrace; the soothing circles are well needed. Physical contact is something he likes, even if he's quiet about admitting it aloud.]

And I wish I was a fiercer protector. But we will work with what God has given us.

[Harry turns his head just enough to kiss Devon's cheek.]

My dear one. We will make it through.

[Devon is quiet, lulled into a little more ease by the touch, by the kiss. He heaves a soft little sighing breath, looking at Harry, his dark eyes oddly deep for once. No stupid scowls, no witty biting commentary.]

... Life was easier when nobody cared about me. Now I feel all weird when people do stuff.

[Harry smiles.]

Yes. Human connections complicate matters a great deal. Your actions change. Your thoughts. But I think it's worth it. Even when they leave, or they die... The love you share with others matters.

I'm not used to it.

[The people caring, the caring about people - the change that happens by letting people in. People go to bat for him and he's somehow surprised they find value enough in him to do that. He's going to have to get over it but worse, he's going to have to figure out what to do with his feelings in return. The instinct to run is so strong.]

... Like when you cancelled that fake trip a few months ago, I didn't know how to handle it so I got freaked out and angry. It was easier to try to make you leave by yelling at you than anything but you didn't leave.

[... Why didn't you leave?]

Of course I didn't leave. You were entitled to your anger.

I treated you all so poorly that month. It haunts me.

You didn't treat me poorly.

[What that says about what Devon is used to...]

That was nicer than most people ever had before.